You have been there for your child from their first breath.
You watched them yawn for the first time. You were the one that they fell into after taking their first steps. You were the one that heard their first word.
Many parents are excited about the “learning to talk stage” of their child’s life. There are so many wonderful firsts.
But then, all of the sudden, your sweet, smiley baby- starts the whining phase.
Like many of the parents I have worked with before, you may be asking yourself, “How do I get my child to stop whining? Please make it stop!”
Read on for some great tips on things that you can do to help your child through some of the more trying stages of their development.
Tip 1: Be Aware of Age
If you are trying to help your child stop whining, you need to be aware of what your child can comprehend and understand.
For example, you cannot say to a one and a half-year-old, “Honey, please stop whining because it is really starting to make my blood pressure rise!”
A child at that age does not understand what you are saying and probably will whine more!
Always adjust your communication to a level your child can understand.
For younger children, it may be more effective to ask them to stop using simple and direct words and then turn your back towards them until they stop the behavior. After, you can give them positive affirmations, if they do stop, to show them that they are now exhibiting the behavior you are looking for.
At those late infant early toddler stages it can be frustrating to try and find effective ways to communicate with your child, but try different strategies to see what works best for your family.
Tip 2: Arm Children with Tools
Very young children may whine because they do not have other ways to express themselves.
Try to arm them with certain words.
If they are whining for “mom,” but they really just need help getting a toy, say, “Do you need some help? Do you need help?”
Repeat what your child is really trying to say and arm them with the proper tools and words to express their needs in the best manner possible.
You can try and help that along by working with your child in times that they are not frustrated to teach them other ways to communicate, like through baby sign language.
Although it doesn’t make it less stressful for you, remember that whining can be age-appropriate and will disappear when the child is better able to express themselves.
Tip 3: Follow Through on What You Say
For children of any age, it is of paramount importance to always follow through.
If you say “no more cookies,” but then always give in, your children will know what to expect and keep whining to get their intended end result. You are essentially teaching them that by whining, they will get their way.
Say what you mean – and mean what you say.
When your children really understand that you are not going to budge, they will stop even trying.
Tip 4: Ignore the Child’s Whining – If Old Enough
Again, if your child is of the appropriate age to really comprehend you, explain that you are going to ignore all whining.
Sometimes children whine because they want or need attention.
Giving children more attention when they whine will only serve to fuel the fire. Say instead, “When you whine, I am not going to listen to you or pay attention to you until you can speak properly.”
Then stick to what you say and reward your children by immediately attending to their requests when the whining stops.
We know! This can be hard. Your instinct is to help your child when they need it. However, by showing them that this behavior is not a desirable one up front, it can help stop the long-term whining.
Tip 5: Model the Right Way
Model the right way to ask for things or express yourself to your children.
It is very important to encourage your children to express their feelings and emotions.
So, show your children, through your behavior, the right way to express their feelings and emotions by learning from your example.
Even adults can get frustrated and upset, but remember, if your children see you whining, it will be harder for them to understand why they are not able to get away with doing the same thing.
Tip 6: Positive Reinforcement & Praise
Praise and reinforce your children on a daily basis when they vocalize their needs and wants in a good way.
When your children use good manners like asking for something in a nice way or saying “please” and “thank you,” reinforce that behavior with praise and try to engage immediately.
Even if you are busy at that particular minute, you can use your words to show appreciation for the way that they handle the situation and let them know you will help them when you are through with your current task. Keep that line of communication open.
Also, remember to express that you appreciate how they listened to you and followed your directions.
Tip 7: Use Charts & Rewards
If whining is really becoming a problem for older children, try using behavioral modification charts and rewards.
You can mark the days that the child remains “whine free” with a small reward.
On the flip side, when the child has a “whiney moment” take away the intended reward for that day or week.
Tip 8: Encouragement & Support
It is always important to encourage and support your children, even when they are whining.
You never want the message to the child to be that “expressing your feelings angers mom or dad,” but rather alter that lesson to, “how to be mature and engage in appropriate behaviors and expression.”
Even when disciplining your children, explain you do want them to express themselves and it is acceptable to do so, but it must be done in an appropriate manner.
Also, explain that you are also taking the time to teach this lesson because you love them.
