Sometimes parenthood — and specifically motherhood — can seem like a never-ending loop of monotony.
Wake up, feed the kids, drop kids at school or daycare, go to work (or stay home and entertain kids and keep up with the house), lunch, dinner, bedtime. Repeat.
Add in…
- Soccer practice
- Doctor appointments
- Playdates
- Discipline
- Laundry
- Dishes
- Cleaning
…and you may soon fall into the depths of what is called Mom Burnout.
In this guide, parenting expert and founder of Therapeutic Parenting Method, Tammy Gold, reviews the symptoms of mom burnout, how to recognize that you may be experiencing it, where you can turn for support.
What is Mom Burnout?
Mom burnout is the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion mothers feel as a result of the continuous cycle of motherhood-induced stressors.
In addition to the everyday tasks an already stressed mom must complete to keep their kids clean, healthy and on schedule, there is an additional trigger for mom burnout — the mental load of motherhood.
The mental load of motherhood is the constantly running list in your head of things that need to be done, calls that need to be made, appointments that need to be scheduled.
Signs of Mom Burnout
What are the telltale signs of overwhelm for mothers?
Signs of being overwhelmed — the primary cause of mom burnout — can take many different forms such as:
- A change in personality
- Mood swings
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Sadness
- Depression
- Inability to sleep
- Short temper
- Bouts of crying
Each mother may react differently to being overwhelmed but it is helpful to note any of the above.
Mom Burnout Can Begin With the Stresses of Early Motherhood
There are a great many stresses during early motherhood:
- Physically, the mother’s body changes.
- There is a drop in hormones that can cause irritability, depression, or anxiety.
- There is often weight gain and loss.
- There are sexual changes and changes in the marital relationship.
There are social changes in regards to how a mother views herself in relation to her new child.
While mom burnout is not the same as postpartum depression or postpartum mood disorder, it is possible that a mother experiencing PPD may experience some of the same symptoms as mom burnout.
1 in 7 women suffer from postpartum depression, many of whom go undiagnosed.
I believe there needs to be much much more support for new mothers.
It is a huge change in every capacity to become a new mother and we are given no formal education or training to prepare us for it.
New moms need to support themselves through friends and family or reach out to professionals for support during this time.
Most of all, moms need to take care of themselves and not feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help.
Resolving PPD or taking steps to make sure you have support in the early months of parenthood can help you to manage mom burnout down the road.
Stay-at-Home Mom Burnout
What can moms, especially stay at home moms, do to cope with the monotony and overwhelm that can lead to stay-at-home mom burnout?
Sometimes it helps moms, especially new moms, to make a schedule.
If you are alone with your child for many hours take out a pen and paper and create a schedule. Even a simple schedule. Breaking up the day in this physical manner may help the time go faster.
A stressed mom can also:
- Join mommy and me baby groups to socialize and get out of the house
- Watch videos with your children
- Go to classes at the local library or parenting centers
Setting a schedule will help break up the monotony of being home for many hours and give something for mothers to look forward to.
A schedule is especially helpful if your baby is having a tough day and things feel out of control. You can go back to your schedule and think “now I will give the baby a bath, then I will read books for 15 minutes.” It provides some order during chaotic times.
Recognize When Mom Needs Help Due to Mom Burnout
When discussing mom burnout, I have been posed with the following question:
“How many women, in your estimate, abuse alcohol (drinking every day) to deal with their stressful lives?”
I can’t comment on this because I have not seen a very recent statistic. But, I do know that it is very hard to gauge exactly how many women abuse alcohol because so much of it is not reported.
I am sure there are countless mothers who drink daily to take the stress off after a hard day with the kids but do not report it on any level.
The statistics on drug and alcohol abuse are increasing dramatically and I am sure moms are included in this growing population due to the stress and strain of raising children which is both physically and mentally exhausting at times.
National Programs for Alcohol Abuse
Are there national programs available for women who may be using alcohol to cope with mom burnout?
Locally, I am sure there are countless support programs and rehabilitation programs. It depends on your area.
If a mother were in need she could contact a local hospital or her local doctor and ask for a referral for some supportive care.
There are AA meetings all over the country going on daily.
Support for New Moms Experiencing Mom Burnout
Are there national support groups available for new parents or parents experiencing burnout?
There are not a lot of support programs for new parents. That is the main reason we started our company.
I felt that parents, especially new parents, received very little support to guide them through such a huge transition.
I am sure there are other companies like ours available to new parents.
Parent coaching is very helpful for new parents — who sometimes cannot leave their homes — because the support can be given to them over the phone and in their homes.
There are also Mothers and More groups and local mothers groups available. Parents can ask for this information from their doctors, hospitals, or search on the internet.
