Parenting is very often overwhelming.
Our children don’t come with how-to manuals. Wading through the first few years requires a lot of guesswork.
But, it doesn’t all have to be a guessing game.
Therapeutic Parenting Method is here to provide you with a multitude of resources for every aspect of parenting.
In the following article, parenting expert and founder of Therapeutic Parenting Method, Tammy Gold answers some questions she has received from overwhelmed parents.
The Overwhelmed Parent: Running Errands
Question from an overwhelmed parent:
“Sometimes, just going out and running a few errands with the baby in tow can be a real ordeal. Have any tips for making errand-running with a baby smoother?
Response from parenting expert, Tammy Gold:
It can be very difficult to run errands or travel with a baby. Here are some tips to make things a bit smoother:
- Stick to the schedule – try to mimic the same schedule whether you are away for a few hours or even a few weeks. Children like routine and tend to behave better when they have a predictable sense of order.
- Know their limits – do not try to run errands or attend events when they are tired or hungry. If it is their nap time then encourage them to rest or sleep during that time. Consider purchasing a stroller shade to make stroller naps easier. Remember that they have short attention spans and cannot sit still or in one place for a long period of time.
- Keep them engaged – bring books or toys to keep them engaged in the car, shopping mall, airplane, etc. When children are bored they tend to act out. You can often prevent this by keeping them engaged in some activity.
The Overwhelmed Parent: Traveling With Babies
Question from an overwhelmed parent:
“My family lives far away, so we often have to travel to visit them. But it seems near impossible to stick to the normal routines we’ve set up with our one-year-old. I know that keeping on schedule is important for my baby at this age, but how can I maintain the same routine when we’re away from home?”
Response from parenting expert, Tammy Gold:
Traveling can be very disruptive for children and cause setbacks in areas such as sleeping through the night.
It is very important to follow the same schedule as home so the children feel a sense of order and routine.
Try to have the children wake, eat, play, nap, and go to bed at the same time as they do at home. Also, bring items from home that will help the children feel more at ease in their new environment. These can be items such as a blanket, sound machine, nightlight, or special stuffed animal.
The Overwhelmed Parent: I Think My Toddler is a Bully
Question from an overwhelmed parent:
“My once-sweet 14-month-old has suddenly turned into a bully! He’s throwing things and biting the other kids at daycare. How can I get him under control?”
Response from parenting expert, Tammy Gold:
Unfortunately, as infants mature into toddlers, they sometimes pick up habits that parents do not like. The good news is that a lot of these issues will pass in time.
In the meantime, you need to model and verbalize the correct way to behave for your child. A 14-month-old might not fully understand, but it does not mean you have to withhold the message. The goal is to start the message now by saying “we do not hit,” and eventually he will understand.
When your child goes to hit or bite another child you quickly remove him from the situation and in a stern voice explain “we do not hit” or “we do not bite.”
You need to speak to your daycare provider and formulate a plan that you can use at daycare and at home so that your child hears the same message at both places.
Also rather than constantly saying “no” it can be helpful to distract and redirect his behavior. When he is throwing a truck you can say “we do not throw trucks, but you can throw this ball.” The key now is to redirect the behaviors while also sending a message of what is acceptable behavior. Your son may not pick it up immediately, but in time he will understand (from your directions) the right and wrong ways of behaving.
The Overwhelmed Mom: Loneliness
Question from an overwhelmed mom:
“I’m a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), and I hate to say it, but motherhood is lonely. I’m jealous that my husband gets to have an adult life. I thought I was going to be this wonder-mom (the other SAHM’s look so happy)! What am I doing wrong?”
Response from parenting expert, Tammy Gold:
First, remember to put blinders on to other moms as you have no idea what is really going on at home. Don’t compare yourself to other moms.
Second, it is totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and miss your pre-baby life. It is healthy for you to recognize and verbalize your feelings so that you will be better equipped to handle them.
That being said, motherhood can be very lonely so it is very important to try to connect to other adults.
There are tons of mothers groups and organizations geared around connecting moms. Go online or ask around for the names of these groups.
In the meantime, there are countless websites and blogs where you can read and write to other moms sharing and swapping stories of motherhood.
Signing up for classes with your child is also another way of meeting new moms in your area. There are tons of infant music and gym classes which are a wonderful way to get out of the house and also meet other local new moms.
Finding time to connect to others will help you feel less lonely during this new transition.
The Overwhelmed Mom: Loss of Friendship
Question from an overwhelmed mom:
“I have to devote so much time to my family now that I’m afraid I’ll lose all my friends — especially the ones without kids. I simply don’t have time for them right now. How can I let them know I’m not gone forever?”
Response from parenting expert, Tammy Gold:
It can be very difficult to maintain friendships when you are busy.
Things can be made even more difficult when you are in different phases of life.
If you would like to connect with your friends I would simply be honest with them and explain your situation. I would explain that you would like to keep in touch the best that you can and try to find new, easier, ways to maintain contact — like email.
If possible, try to schedule some friend time far in advance when you think you will be able to make it. Then you can establish regular times on a monthly or weekly basis when you go out or simply call your friends to check-in. Just be honest with yourself and with your friends regarding your needs and how you can best work to keep in better contact.
